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Speaking Your Truth: Dealing with Resistance

At this point in May’s Speaking your Truth series, we have discovered how to identify your truth , how to speak your truth with confidence and how to help other’s speak their truth . However, when we find ourselves in situations where we need to speak our truth, we are sometimes met with resistance from others. Resistance can take many shapes and forms. For example, others may not recognize our truth as their truth or may disagree that our truth is relevant to the conversation. In any case, if you have followed the previous posts and truly examined and identified your truth, no one can argue or dispute it. People still may try, so here are some tips on how to navigate resistance.

Tip No. 1: Maintain messaging

You have done the work to identify and speak your truth with confidence. You know the ground you are standing on is solid and you are speaking in a way that does not step on other people’s toes. This is your truth, and you feel comfortable maintaining your message. It is OK to repeat yourself or sound like a broken record. Occasionally, when we are caught up in an argument or a complex problem, we do not always absorb new information easily. Again, it is OK to repeat yourself or try a new way of saying your truth, but don’t give up. If someone tries to argue your truth or change the subject, stay on message to avoid getting pulled into an argument about something that isn’t up for debate.

Tip No. 2: Stay curious

If you are met with resistance, it may be a sign that someone else is trying to speak their truth and it just isn’t being presented clearly. Refer back to last week’s post to help them speak their truth . Try being overly curious about what is important to the other person. Meet their resistance with curiosity. Trying to better understand the other person is not giving up on your truth. It is simply putting it aside for the moment to make room for others to explore and communicate their truth. Another reason why you might be met with resistance is a confusion of what your truth is and the how to address your truth. It is OK to disagree or collaborate on the how. Be curious and make sure you are each talking about the same thing, then separate out the conversation about understanding your truth and the conversation about the how.

Tip No. 3: Take a break

If you notice you or others starting to get escalated or the conversation starting to spiral, it may be time to take a break. If the conversation is no longer productive, agreeing to take a pause and come back to the conversation later with fresh perspectives may be the wise course of action. If you agree to take a break, agree to when you will pick up the conversation so all parties involved know that the issue is not being avoided and can prepare in advance prior to continuing the conversation.

Speaking your truth is not always straightforward. It is easy to conflate our ideas, opinions or solutions with our needs, values and interests. Remember that our needs, values and interests are the fuel that drive our ideas, opinions and solutions. Speaking our truth involves speaking at the needs, values and interest level and when you are able to completely speak your truth, no one will be able to argue with you. Be prepared to be flexible on the how to address your truth, as other people may have their own truths that are impacted by the how. The how is where negotiation and collaboration exists.

As always, if you want to discuss how to communicate your truth with others in a productive and meaningful way, feel free to reach out for a one-on-one private consultation.

Luke Wiesner is the UC Merced Conflict Resolution Coach , a private resource for staff members who are interested in having a partner to support workplace challenges or conflicts. This service is voluntary, and you can partner with the coach by yourself or with fellow university employees.