Bridges have always fascinated me. When I look at a bridge, I see an incredible amount of thought, planning and construction expertise to erect a path sturdy enough for decades of travel. It is truly remarkable to think that we can connect completely different land regions. If we can perform such an architectural marvel with a mastery of engineering, mathematics and physics, why then can it seem impossible to build bridges between people with differing beliefs or perspectives?
Over the next few weeks, I will share with you some components to building bridges between people that I find important. Make sure to tune in each week to read about more steps in relationship bridge building.
Laying the Foundation
Having a solid foundation is an important part of building any bridge. We need to know that our hard work isn’t going to crumble as we start connecting the two sides. To lay a solid foundation, consider these ideas:
Establish buy-in – It is important to make sure that each party is committed to a process of dialogue and relationship strengthening. One way to do this is to examine the impacts of the relationship staying as it is and the benefits of what a stronger relationship might look like. If each party can agree up front on possible benefits to improving the relationship and that it is time well spent to work on these issues, trust can begin to develop.
Agree on how to communicate or work together – Invite a conversation about what each person is expecting in future communication or the relationship. These are some common focus areas to get you started:
- Agree not to attack each other or each other or each other’s beliefs.
- Agree to seek understanding.
- Agree on what is off limits.
- Agree to a non-competitive approach.
- Agree that it is OK to call a time out at any time.
You may even want to discuss the process of how your communication occurs. For example, are phone calls, video calls or in-person meetings more agreeable? If you are doing a video call should videos be on or off? These types of agreements help generate momentum toward positive conversations and help create a solid foundation.
Discuss bringing in help – Part of laying the foundation is discussing if you need third-party support. This isn’t for everyone and every situation. However, a third-party facilitator, mediator or coach can help create the structure and support in an impartial manner. If you decide not to partner with a third party, it still can be beneficial to discuss at what point it would be helpful to reach out for help. Identifying some mutually agreed upon options of who could serve as a third-party support can also be helpful to discuss prior to further division and escalation.
Did you know that the Conflict Resolution Coaching program can provide third-party support? If you ever need some one-on-one help in building a bridge with someone else, feel free to reach out for support. The Ombuds Office also is a confidential and independent office to go to for third-party support.
Next week: We will discuss how to build on a solid foundation by creating scaffolding around your foundation to productively construct your relationship bridge .
